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Now I’m able to look back and laugh at my exaggerated take on what happened warped by both my anxiety and mood. In fact much, much worse things have happened in my life, however at the time small instances of misfortune felt devastating. I’m (somewhat) over those things by now although at the time they seemed to be the worst things that could have possibly have happened to me. Instead, I’d like to emphasise that I’m still here. I’ll spare you the long, never-ending exhaustive list of my failures and mistakes my future psychotherapist will have enough to deal with as it is. Whilst writing this post, I started to think of the many instances in which I’ve been in the midst of a physical and mental collapse. Fair enough, she isn’t in her prime anymore neither statistically nor vocally but I think we can all put our hands up and admit that she truly did pull herself together after behaviour that ranged from violently attacking a paparazzi’s car with a make-do umbrella weapon to shaving off her entire head scared that it contained traces of the hardcore drugs she had been taking. The reason why I find what pop culture now regards as a comedic anecdote of a 90’s superstar’s spiral into madness so different to the other stories out there is how Britney has actually made her comeback. Not too shabby for someone who a few months ago had been shaving off her head filled with paranoia that it contained traces of the drugs she’d been taking.

The resulting media attention during her fall to rock bottom was pervasively intrusive into her personal life and scattered across front page spreads globally like public gossip, yet just a year following her public meltdown she bounced back with the album “ Blackout” in 2008 selling over 3 million copies worldwide. Spears practically became synonymous with mental instability and recklessness during this time, yet somehow overcame all odds to continue a relatively successful music career alongside the string of haphazardly attached wefts of hair extensions. In case you’ve been living under a rock for the past decade, Britney is still the quintessential example of a child star whose life plummeted into a devastating breakdown – now more recently rivaled by the likes of Amanda Bynes and Shia Labeouf. No longer eight years old and proudly strutting to the beat of “Gimme More”, I can now still look back fondly on my Britney-adoring days by using her breakdown as an extended metaphor for the stress levels of my own life. This icon of seeming perfection had turned out to be nothing but a talented singer with a string of bad decisions just like every other normal human being.

I felt deceived by the empowered figure I had grown up admiring. It was like somebody had stabbed a fork into my fragile heart and ate it in front of me.

I had no clue the majority of the lyrics I hummed along to were sexual innuendos – I was unashamedly having too much of a blast.Ī couple of years after my crazed obsession faded out through the opening gate of puberty, I came across articles online on how Britney was a negligent mother, temporarily lost custody of her kids and frequently yo-yoed in and out of rehab for alcohol and drugs misuse. To this very day, I truly cannot pinpoint why I idolised her at such a young age I guess she inspired me through her independent, self-assured and sexually liberated persona that blinded me from the bland, commercial lyrics with no true meaning besides entertainment for the masses. A truly legendary 90s pop icon to look up to before entering the gates of Hell -ahem- puberty. What did I do when I finally scraped enough pocket money to waste on a compressed brick-resembling MP3 player? I blew all of its memory within seconds burning her albums onto it.

Four hour car journeys to a holiday retreat in the British “summer” to an anti-climactic caravan holiday home spent freezing by the coast? Britney Spears’ discography to the rescue. Britney Spears was a prominent figure within my chaotic childhood.